


Starting Anew

by seductivembrace



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-06-22
Packaged: 2017-11-08 07:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seductivembrace/pseuds/seductivembrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of Sunnydale, Xander just wants to be alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Anew

Xander was going to take a page out of his old man’s book and get thoroughly trashed.  Heck, after surviving the implosion of his home town, he felt he was entitled. A one time only “thank god I’m still alive” bender was completely understandable. He wasn’t even dreading the hangover he knew he’d have tomorrow. Though, if he was lucky, he’d sleep right through it. And luck just happened to be on his side given that he’d just survived the apocalypse to end all apocalypses. Apocali. Whatever. It was a miracle that he was alive and he felt the need to get rip-roaring drunk to celebrate.

He even had the place picked out, having spotted the hole-in-the-wall bar as his head rested wearily against the window. That there happened to be a low-budget motel a few doors down was just a bonus in his mind; he _really_ didn’t want to sleep in Angel’s hotel, didn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity of the vampire, truthfully. Or anyone, if he were honest with himself. He needed time alone to take everything in.

Anya’s death.

Spike’s sacrifice.

Him still being alive.

Giles brought the bus to a gear-grinding stop outside Angel’s hotel and turned off the engine. Xander got to his feet as everyone else did and waited for the bus to clear before stepping out into the aisle. It was slow-going getting off as everyone congregated on the sidewalk just outside the bus. Thankfully Buffy got everyone moving, taking the lead – Dawn by her side, arm around her waist – up the walk to the main doors. Kennedy practically carried a protesting Willow since she was still weak after her magic whammy. The potentials – Slayers now, he reminded himself – weren’t doing much better trudging after their leader, exhausted after fighting the Turok Han.

Faith, Giles, and Wood, supported between the two, brought up the rear. As they moved off, with Wood groaning in pain and Faith muttering for him “not to be such a baby”, Xander did an about face and walked off.

~*~*~*~*~

Xander ordered a bottle of rum, and after a cursory glance by the bartender that lingered ever so slightly on his eye patch before nodding, dropped fifty bucks on the bar and retreated to a booth in a darkened corner of the room. What few patrons there were left him alone, and he was grateful.

He shrugged out of his jacket and sat down, then scooted over on the seat until his back was angled between the wall and the seat back. Not that he expected anything to happen, but it always paid to be cautious. A waitress appeared not long afterwards with his rum and a glass.

“Can I get you anything else?”

Xander shook his head and the girl left him to his drink.

His first toast was to Spike. The vampire and he had never really gotten along, something for which he was partly to blame. But, he’d come by his prejudices honestly, and old habits had been too hard to break. Still he’d liked to think that there had been mutual respect, if not exactly trust, between them at the end.

The alcohol burned going down, and he coughed and gasped and pounded on his chest to help ease the ache. He could feel the eyes of the bartender on him, but he didn’t bother to look up. The second shot went down a lot easier, though his eye still watered, threatening to spill over onto his cheek.

_See ya around, Spike._

Xander raised his shot glass for a third and final toast to the vampire and bade him goodbye.

His thoughts turned to Anya, and the tears that filled his eye had nothing to do with the harsh liquor he’d consumed and everything to do with the regret he couldn’t help feeling at her death. His shoulders shook slightly as grief took hold; his hand was unsteady as he brought the glass to his lips for another drink, some of the contents spilling onto the table before he managed to do so.

Memories swamped him, their first meeting, her calmly stating that she wanted to interlock parts, the hurt she’d been unable to hide in the aftermath of his having abandoned her at the altar.

_I’m so sorry, An._

The more he thought of her, the more he drank, until the bottle was empty. It was just a shame that he didn’t feel the least bit drunk yet.

“Bring us another one.”

The words shocked Xander out of his silent contemplation of the empty bottle in front of him. He lifted his head to see Faith slide into the booth across from him. Her face was carefully blank and kept him from telling her to piss off.

The waitress didn’t leave until he looked in her direction and nodded his assent to the order.

“Make it to go,” he said suddenly. Her back was to him, but she nodded to let him know that she’d heard.

While she was gone, Xander reached into his pocket to retrieve his wallet, pulling out another fifty dollar bill. The waitress was nothing if not efficient, returning in a matter of minutes with a second bottle of rum discreetly hidden in a brown paper bag on her tray.

Xander stood and shrugged into his coat, grabbed the bag and dropped the bill in its place. The girl disappeared before he could tell her to keep the change.

“You coming?” he asked of Faith. She didn’t answer, but she stood and followed him out of the bar.

~*~*~*~*~

The motel was much like Xander expected: a serviceable bed, a television with basic cable – HBO was an extra ten bucks a night and he didn’t feel like splurging – a small refrigerator tucked away in the corner, and a bathroom. In all, it looked much like the place Faith had lived in when she had first come to Sunnydale. He didn’t comment on that fact however. Didn’t say anything really as he dropped the key – a real one, not one of those plastic cards the fancy hotels used – on the dresser and walked farther into the room.

The remote to the television was lying on the bed and Xander snatched it up as he passed and pressed the on button. The local news blared to life, drowning out Faith’s closing and locking of the door, her muttering as she had to use her shoulder and a bit of slayer strength to get it shut all the way.

The room was plunged into darkness save for the TV, and Xander glanced over his shoulder to see that Faith had drawn the curtains as well. There was just enough light to prevent him from tripping over the chair – his depth perception was shot in the dark – and he grabbed the seatback before he made a fool of himself. Well, any more of a fool.

“Shit. Sorry,” Faith muttered, seeing his dilemma. “Let me get a light.”

“No! Leave it off.”

“But—”

“My eye’s adjusted. Leave it off.”

Xander could sense that she wanted to say more. Her sigh was overly loud as she crossed the room and joined him at the small table.

“Want me to grab some glasses?” Faith asked.

He shrugged as he pulled the bottle out of the bag and proceeded to open it. “Does it really matter?”

“No,” she replied as she snatched it out of his hand and took a long swig.

Xander just watched her throat muscles work as she put a big dent in his bottle of rum.

~*~*~*~*~

By the time the rum was gone, Wheel of Fortune was on and Xander and Faith were on the bed. Xander was in his boxers; Faith was wearing only her t-shirt and panties. Both were squinting at the television as they tried to guess the puzzle before the contestants did.

When Jeopardy started, Xander was too interested in what Faith was doing with her hands, and then her mouth, to bother playing along.

“Faith,” Xander offered up a drunken, half-hearted protest. He’d not invited her along because he expected sex.

She ignored him, of course. Probably did a mental “la la la, I can’t hear you”, which translated to lusty moans by her and a need to come in her mouth by him.

He did, surprising her. But only for a moment. She swallowed him down and licked him clean, then slithered up his body and kissed him. Tentatively at first, as if unsure of her welcome. Then eagerly, when Xander crushed her body to his and kissed her back. One hand found its way into her hair, yanking her head back so that he could trail kisses along her jaw and neck. The other hand gripped her ass and ground her lower body against his renewed erection.

Her body stiffened in surprise then seemed to melt against him, and Xander easily flipped them so that she lay beneath him. Then it was his turn to shimmy down her body and return the favor. Her thong was dragged down her legs and cast aside, then he was between her legs, fucking her with his tongue.

It didn’t take Faith long to come either.

Anya had been rather vocal in her instructions during oral sex and Xander employed every trick he’d learned over the last few years to bring Faith pleasure. When he felt her body stiffen as she climaxed, he changed position and pushed his way home. His jaw clenched at her tightness, and he willed himself not to come. He may have even murmured something to that effect out loud. His eye closed and he prayed for divine intervention.

_Don’t move. Don’t… wait. Breathe. Just wait a minute... Don’t…_

“Xander.”

Faith whispered his name, and he opened his eye and looked at her, _oh god, what am I doing? I… damn! And Faith?_ and she smiled. Her hands cupped his face, moved into his hair. Somehow the patch disappeared, but she didn’t appear disgusted at his sunken eye socket, just sad that something so awful had happened to him.

Then she was pulling him down towards her and kissing him.

Something inside him broke. That one act of kindness, or maybe comfort, let loose the floodgate on his emotions.

He started crying, moving again as he murmured her name. Sorry. So sorry. And she was moving with him, urging with her hands. Faster. Harder. Kissing him wherever she could reach. Murmuring his name and yes. More. Harder. Don’t stop, Xander. Please don’t stop. Sorry too.

Too… _much_. Too much sorrow. Too much pain. Too much everything. Xander couldn’t stand it. His ears were ringing with it all. Pressure. So much pressure he thought he’d go mad with it.

Then finally…

Release.

And he knew that Faith was right there with him, coasting on a wave of post-coital bliss. It exhilarated Xander, the way she clung to him as he collapsed on top of her, protesting when he made to move away, sure that he was far too heavy for her.

“Don’t…”

Xander lifted his head and looked down at Faith. She was more relaxed than he’d ever seen her. Softer. At peace. She looked… beautiful.

“Hi,” he said, and felt foolish. But then she blushed, murmured a “hi” back.

Laughter then, a chuckle by Xander, a giggle from Faith.

“Dork.”

“Dorkette.”

“Idiot.”

“Idiot…er, ette.”

Faith thwacked him in the chest and Xander placed a chaste kiss on her nose and moved to lie beside her. She immediately rolled onto her side and wiggled back against him. Grinning, Xander did the same and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her snug against his front. Surprisingly, she didn’t object.

A minute later, he was asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

As morning afters went, it was one of Xander’s better ones, especially since he got to actually _have_ one this time. Even the repeat performance he’d have to rate a two thumbs up, mainly because there was no strangulation involved. Though there’d been plenty of the Faith on top variety. Not that he was complaining. Nope, not him. Or his toes that had yet to completely uncurl.

It was just unfortunate that his stomach chose to make its presence known later that afternoon and that the motel didn’t offer room service. He was almost afraid to leave the idyllic world he and Faith had created, that as soon as they were confronted with the real world, things between them would fall apart.

“Come on,” she finally said, holding her hand out to him, her expression grim.

Xander took her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed the palm. “It’s just dinner.” That she seemed to have the same apprehensions as him made Xander feel marginally better.

Faith smiled and released the breath she must have been holding. “Yeah. You’re right. Now get dressed.”

She let go of his hand and Xander stood and gathered his clothes. He barely refrained from wrinkling his nose as he pulled them on and added shopping to the list of things that needed to be done once they’d finished eating. After securing his patch in place, Xander grabbed the room key and ushered Faith out the door.

Dinner went rather well in Xander’s opinion. He didn’t even mind the waitress staring at his eye patch, not when Faith practically growled at the girl from her place beside him, then turned away to kiss him right there in front of God and everybody. Needless to say, dinner was a rushed affair, as was their joint shopping adventure.

All too soon, they were back in their motel room. Discarded clothes and packages lead a trail to the bed.

“What are we doing, Faith?” Xander asked between frantic kisses. Her only answer was to moan in pleasure as he twisted his hips just so.

“Faith?”

Xander stilled inside her, and her moan this time was one of distress and a whole lot of frustration. He shushed her with gentle kisses, said her name again so she would look at him. She did and his heart clenched at seeing the fear and uncertainty in her eyes.

It was that vulnerability that asked her to come away with him before the filter in his mouth engaged. _Fuck!_

He slipped free of Faith and collapsed onto his back, mentally beat himself up as he stared at the stained ceiling.

“Really?”

Not exactly what Xander was expecting Faith to say, especially with his coitus interuptus, and he turned his head to see that she was sitting up Indian style on the bed, the sheet tucked up around her, staring at him with something akin to wonder.

“Yes, really,” he told her honestly. “I’m done, Faith. I want to give normal a chance. You know, house, job, maybe a kid or two, although, that’s negotiable. I don’t want to worry about the monster of the week, or the apocalypse of the year.”

“Yeah.”

“Besides, it’s not like you’re the Chosen One anymore, you know. You can retire. Well, you could if slaying was actually a job.” The silence stretched out as Faith seemed to process what he was saying. Finally, he reached over and grabbed her hand. “And, even if you don’t want to come with me…” He refused to bring up Wood’s name as a possible reason for her saying no. No sense reminding her of the guy she’d left back at Angel’s hotel. “… you can still give it up. Let someone else take over.”

“Where would we go?”

“I don’t know. Anywhere that isn’t here would be good.”

“What about your friends?”

“They’ll be just fine without me. Willow’s got Kennedy. Buffy has Dawn, and from what it looks like, Angel. Giles will have his hands full getting the Watcher’s Council up and running.” _No one was going to miss him._

“So, how soon can we leave?”

“Really?” came out less manly than he would have liked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I mean, we can leave now, that is, if you know…” His voice trailed off at her tentative smile.

“What are we waiting for?”

They took a shower together, to save time and water, Faith said. Xander cocked an eyebrow at her explanation but wasn’t about to argue. He even went one further and made up for leaving her hanging earlier.

It was a wonder they didn’t break their necks. Or the shower head. Slayer strength being what it was.

Dressed in their new clothes, Xander and Faith made their way to the office to turn in the key. They got directions to the bus station from the manager, who called a local taxi company to get them there.

“So, Xander, where to?” Faith asked as they stood before the ticket agent.

“I don’t know. You choose.”

“Why do I have to choose?”

“Because I’ve lived in Sunnydale my whole life with only a brief trip to Oxnard to relieve the monotony.”

“For real?”

“Yes. Now will you pick someplace?”

Faith scanned the list of potential destinations, then turned to Xander and smiled.

The End


End file.
